Ladies, put down your slutty plumber outfits and your skimpy cheeseburger costumes. Gentlemen, put your shirts back on and if necessary...pants, too. Let's go back to the good old days. The days when the goal of Halloween was to be as creepy as can be, while keeping it interesting and classy. I mean, if I saw a slutty bumblebee walking next to a hunky cowboy....I wouldn't give them a second glance. But, I would be endlessly interested if I saw a man in a nice suit with an eyeball for a head walking with a woman in a mushroom suit. When did Halloween become a day for sultry unicorns, sexy watermelons, and naughty Nemos, Waldos, and cobs of corn?

Maybe people sat around and thought of phrases that these ladies could say when they were asked about their costumes at a party? The ones that could spark provocative conversations made the cut. Regardless of how ridiculous they were.

To the cob of corn: "So you're corn..? 

Corn: "Yeah, wanna shuck me?

To sexy Nemo or Waldo: "So.. you're Nemo/Waldo?"

Nemo/Waldo: "Yeah, try to find me. *winks and scampers away* *man follows*

To sexy rubber ducky: "You're a rubber ducky."

Who knows, the rubber ducky could make a joke about bath time fun or condoms? Endless possibilities.

Halloween is one of my favorite days of the year. I love the legends and the traditions. I love the thought of trick or treaters in my neighborhood back home. I love the energy that fills the air on every Halloween. I'm not a total prude, either. I understand the racy costumes. I've worn a few. But, really? A sexy Babe the Big Blue Ox costume? Come on.